and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
