Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
