I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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