Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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