she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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