Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
