dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
