are you still at the devil's house?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
