I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
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