I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
