I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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