i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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