Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
