wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
