Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
