You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
