either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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