i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
