how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
