just tell him i said nine months
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
