Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
