I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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