neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
