Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
