According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
