Define "chronic" masturbator.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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