So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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