operation harelip BJ is a go
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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