Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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