Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
