vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
