you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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