ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
