In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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