theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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