oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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