yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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