Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
