We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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