I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
