Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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