Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
