Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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