the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
