I intend to get homeless drunk
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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