You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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