I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize