She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
