I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
