If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
