i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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