Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
