: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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