I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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