Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
