If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
