just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i dont even know how to be here
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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