I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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