Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
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Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What changed your mind?
Being sober
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize