I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
