3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
