Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
