Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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