I cannot find my penis.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
