why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
