marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
