She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
