God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
