I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
