Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
