I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Farmville is her only friend.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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