Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
