I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
